How to talk to toddlers (a guide for grownups)
If you have ever felt like you don’t know how to talk to little kids, I’m going to teach you how to do it.
Have you ever watched two toddlers walk up to each other on the playground? They never say to each other, “Hey, how you been? How was your nap? I haven’t seen you since this morning.”
That never happens.
When adults see each other after a long time, we have learned to say, “How was your summer? Did you do anything fun? How’s work going?” Our language has developed enough that we know how to answer each other. Toddlers don’t have that skillset yet.
If you walk up to a toddler who you may even know very well already, and say, “Hey, how was that trip you took last month?” they’re going to stare at you like you’re an alien from outer space. And then you’re going to feel really, really awkward. You’re going to think that you don’t know how to talk to kids.
Here’s the first thing you need to realize: Toddlers do not catch up. They don’t fill each other in on what they missed. They are just here, NOW. This moment is the only thing that exists. And then they proceed.
This past summer I walked up to a bunch of kids on a playground who I work with during the school year. I hadn’t seen them in a few weeks. So I started talking to them like I was catching up. “Hey guys! How are you?? How has your summer been so far?” I asked them excitedly.
They all just stared at me. I was so confused. We were so close at school. We had laughed together all day long.
But then I remembered the trick to talking to toddlers and I switched gears. No small talk.
At that exact moment, those kids were playing in the sandbox. So all I did was switch the conversation to what was happening right in front of us. I said, “You’re building a house in the sand! Can I live in this house?”
Immediately, the floodgates opened. They started saying, “Yes, you can live here. And this is where our dog lives.” A whole conversation about this sand-house unfolded. The bond and comfort we had with each other returned.
Here’s another tip: Keep it really simple. If they’re wearing a blue shirt, you can say something like, “You’re wearing blue. I love blue. Look, I have blue on my sneaker.”
They’re going to look at your shoe curiously. They might point to their shoe and show you that they have blue on their shoe too. The more you can focus on an object in front of you, the better.
Then you’re going to say, “Oh, you also have red on your shoe. Red is my favorite color!” (Even if it isn’t, it doesn’t matter. In this moment, trust me, red is your favorite color.)
They might respond with, “My favorite color is pink.”
Then you can say, “I love pink. My dog loves pink.” And then they’re going to laugh and laugh because that is so funny when you’re a toddler and now you’re best friends.
That, my friend is toddler talk.
Love, Naava
Naava Katz is an artist, educator, and advocate for creative kids. Find her on Instagram too.
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