What do you do when you have a child who loves making art but they’re very hard on themselves? They get frustrated, they throw away their art, they burst into tears when something doesn’t come out the way they wanted. As an art teacher, I get asked that question all the time. Believe it or not, it happens with kids as young as 4-years old.

I tend to notice that children who are very into art also tend to be very sensitive and insightful. So when there’s an energy in the room, they receive it.

Maybe they have a teacher who is doing art with them and is telling them that their art needs to look a certain way. Obviously the child who is not able to reproduce the expectation is going to get upset. But it can also deeply affect the child who CAN reproduce what the teacher expects. They get a lot of praise as a result, and will tell you they love art. But then when they come home, and they are faced with a blank piece of paper and the new markers you got them, and have complete freedom to create whatever they want, they freeze. Their experience with art in school is that you are a success when you follow instructions. What they aren’t learning is how to be creative on their own.

You may see these meltdowns happening at home because that’s where they feel the most safe to express their intimidation of “free art”. It’s their stress reaction.

My suggestion is to expose, expose, and expose them to unplanned, messy art as often as possible. Mirror for them how you overcome mistakes. Use language that shows them, there really aren’t mistakes in art. Do art for process, on purpose. It will take time.

I like to preemptively give those kinds of kids a lot of compliments before they search for my approval. I walk by them casually and say things like, “I love those choices you’re making.” Or, “Your drawing is making me feel so happy.” Instead of praising the whole drawing as “good”, I’ll point out details they added and ask them to tell me about them. The emphasis is on acknowledging their initiative during the process (rather than after it’s done), and sharing how it affects me while they are working. I find it’s better to do that then wait for the meltdown to happen. Catch them before they fall, essentially. Eventually, those kids start approaching their art with significantly less anxiety because they know they’re safe in our art room.

Also, there is the possibility that your child can already picture things in their head that is more advanced than they are physically able to produce. That’s frustrating for them. For example, they may know that people have eyebrows, but they don’t understand how to make them. Therefore the people they draw don’t look like the people they’re envisioning. Your child’s brain might be moving faster than their hands. So let’s join a local art class! Let them learn as much as possible. The more art they make, the faster their brains and their hands will catch up to each other. You might just have a real artist on your hands and they need more exposure.

And here’s a twist on getting your child to stop being anxious: Instead of trying to stop them, get to the bottom of the cause. Fully acknowledge their feelings. Tell them, “You are really upset about this, I can tell.” Sometimes that sentiment goes a long way in reducing their anxiety. When they hear, “Stop feeling that way!”, it becomes yet another thing they feel they are getting wrong. Their rainbow isn’t curved right AND now they are crying about it AND they can’t stop the tears. That is way too much pressure for a little kid.

When you’re a kid, art is fun. That’s all it should be. It should bring them joy. And if it’s making them sad, it’s time to figure out why.

Art. Is. Fun.

Love, Naava

Naava Katz is an artist, educator, and advocate for creative kids. Find her on Instagram too.